The Rock That Crumbles: When the Men We Love Are Running on Fumes
The Hidden Hormonal Shift in Midlife Men and the Family That Feels It
We joke about the "dad bod" and the mid-life grumpiness. But behind the humour, there’s often a real, painful shift happening.
I see it in my clinical practice, and I’ve seen this pattern play out in the wider world, and even within my own family. It’s the male client who was once the emotional anchor, the brother who was the reliable jokester, or the father whose energy was boundless. Lately, they’re just… different.
They’re tired all the time. Snappy. Withdrawn. The spark’s gone—in their eyes, in the bedroom, in the way they show up for life.
His partner wonders if it’s stress. Work? Ageing? Depression? While those play a role, I want you to consider a root cause that’s often missed: A silent hormonal shift called Andropause.
The Invisible Creep of Andropause
Unlike menopause, which hits women with definitive clarity, Andropause—sometimes referred to as "male menopause"—creeps in quietly.
Testosterone begins its slow decline from around age 30, but by 50, many men are truly running on fumes. The man who was once "the rock" begins to crumble, and the symptoms are not just physical; they are profoundly relational:
Fatigue and Low Mood: He’s less present. Less engaged. He’s there, but he’s not there.
Reduced Libido: This strains intimacy, which is often the deepest form of connection in a partnership.
Weight Gain and Belly Fat: This erodes confidence, making him feel uncomfortable in his own clothes—and his own skin.
Brain Fog and Irritability: The man who handled stress with ease is now volatile and reactive, impacting work and family life.
The Midlife Collision: When Chaos Meets Chaos
I predominantly work with midlife women, helping them navigate their own hormonal shifts (Perimenopause and Menopause). But what happens when the husband's Andropause collides with his wife's Perimenopause?
When both partners are navigating hormone chaos, lack of sleep, low libido, and irritability, life can become incredibly hard. The capacity for patience and emotional support in the household hits zero, making the ripple effect even stronger.
The Ripple Effect: Why This is a Family Health Issue
I'm a daughter, a sister to four older brothers, and a wife. I've witnessed the devastating consequences of men's health avoidance and silent struggles.
When he's not well, everyone feels it:
Partners Feel Disconnected: She notices the emotional distance and the loss of intimacy first.
Kids Notice the Irritability: The fun, energetic dad is replaced by a withdrawn, short-fused version.
The Home Loses Its Anchor: The entire household vibrates with tension, and the emotional load often falls entirely to the female partner.
This is why I’m opening up an opportunity for men this Movember. I lost my own dad at 64 to cardiovascular disease. I've also lost male cousins to suicide. Men often don't know where to find support, or they wait to ask until it’s too late. The cost of silence is simply too high.
Why Partners Need to Know
Because you are often the ones who notice first. Who care enough to ask. Who carry the emotional weight when he’s not okay.
Understanding Andropause means:
Less Blame, More Compassion: It’s not just "stress" or him "giving up." It’s a physiological change.
More Effective Support: Knowing the root cause allows you to seek the right help, not just guess at solutions.
In my next article, I’ll dive into the specific chemistry, how that famous "dad bod" belly is actually turning his vitality into fatigue, and the structured, science-backed way to recalibrate and restore his sense of self.
This Movember, let’s stop joking about the dad bod and start talking about vitality.